Thank God none of you are devoted followers of Stephen Colbert...

Today’s Word?

Nationalgymnasiummuseumsanatoriumandsuspensoriumsordinaryprivatdocentgeneralhi-storyspecialprofessordoctor.

As in: “The delegation, present in full force, consisted of Commendatore Bacibaci Beninobenone (the semi-paralysed doyen of the party who had to be assisted to his seat by the aid of a powerful steam crane), Monsieur Pierrepaul Petitepatant, the Grandjoker Vladinmire Pokethanktscheff, the Archjoker Leopold Rudolph von Schwanzenbad-Hodenthaler, Countess Marha Viraga Kisaszony Putrapesthi, Hiram. Y. Bomboost, Count Athanatos Karamelopulos, Ali Baba Backsheesh Rahat Lokum Effendi, Senor Hidalgo Caballero Don Pedaliio y Palabras y Paternoster de la Malora de la Malaria, Hokopoko Harakiri, Hi Hung Chang, Olaf Kobberkeddelsen, Mynheer Trik van Trumps, Pan Poleaxe Paddyrisky, Goosepond Prhklstr Kratchinabritchistitch, Herr Hurhausdirektorpresident Hans Chuechli-Steuerli, Nationalgymnasiummuseumsanatoriumandsuspensoriumsordinaryprivatdocentgeneralhi-storyspecialprofessordoctor Kriegfried Ueberallgemein."

Mentally prepare yourself for an excruciatingly long, but oh-so-bloody thorough vocabularly lesson; get ready to get school.

First, we will split today’s word apart piece by piece in an attempt to understand just what the hell, exactly, this word means.

National: pertaining to one’s nation
Gymnasium: Area for working out, ALSO, and perhaps the more likely, the European equivalent (approximately) to our high school, providing a solid educational background for students wishing to attend college.
Museum: When related to art or things I like, an interestingly large building filled with relevant objects, when utterly unrelated to topics of interest, such as natural history/science/economics/past presidents/future presidents/Barbie/Disney, an utter waste of money.
Sanatorium: Place for people with mental illness
And: common conjunction, separating ideas
Suspensoriums: Not technically a word in the English language, one would imagine it would be something along the lines of a room devoted to…suspense… (plural)
Ordinary: Typical, to be expected
Privat: Almost, but not quite, private, meaning secret, hidden
Docent: college or university teacher or lecturer
General: leader of a military or something; the first names of such luminaries as Grant and Lee.
History: pertaining to what has already happened
Special: Code name for strange, peculiar, stupid, slow
Professor: One who professes.
Doctor: The first name of another set of luminaries, among them my cardiologist, pediatrician, etc, etc.
Query: Now, juxtaposed, what the hell does this mean?

Answer: Absolutely nothing.

This is why James Joyce is the greatest writer of ALL TIME.

(Hey, this went absolutely nowhere and is not, in fact, as humorous as it sounded in my mind! What gives?)

A List (Or more!)

• Stories about teachers inspired by the youthful energy of their students
• stories about students inspired by teachers
• Biographies of people I find somnolent, i.e., Thomas Edison
• Stories blatantly intended to persuade one to the author's viewpoint with that sort of arrogant, "well, I told you" endings
• Editorials concerning teenage driving laws
• Melodrama about issues that don't really matter
• Apathy towards those that do
• Parent's plans for my future
• Religious right
• Religious left
• Religious center
• Religious apoliticals
• Discussions of abortion
• Those who feel the need to be politically correct
• Ditto, politically incorrect
• Those who feel the need to whine loudly about it
• Politics in general
• Relationship/life advice, even when its prompted
• Mainstream music
• "The Wood Carver"
• Lack of classroom control
• Sonic disturbances
• Doughnuts that are supposed to be filled with delicious creme, but aren't
• Fish pills
• Tuesday mornings
• mainstream music

THESE ARE ALL THINGS THAT

• Make me angry/are annoying
• I have little desire to tlak about
• Well be mentioned in my upcoming novel, destined to be the definitive piece of American literature(more on this at a later date)

ANOTHER LIST

• Ulysses (and James Joyce in general)
• The Odyssey (though I do not consider it the best story ever told)
• Greek literature and philosophy in general
• Modernism
• Vladmir Nabokov
• Samuel Beckett
• Pseudo-Italian/French accents
• The prefix pseudo
• European cuisine
• The heroic archetype
• Why I'm not permitted into Plato's Republic
• The meaning of certain poems
• Psychology
• Dreams
• Creative Writing
• Family Guy
• Kidney Stones and Muddy Waters
• Strega Nona
• Christmas christmas, Salted cod salted cod, the mystery of the broomstick, witchcraft and it's relationship to the aforementioned
• The word aforementioned
• Driveways, beating up Ophelia
• Naming my car after a character from Hamlet
• Why I shouldn't have been liscened to drive
• The indie rock
• Farmhouses like the one i drew in my journal a year ago and then found
• That girl I know with both hair AND eyes

THESE ARE ALL THINGS THAT...

• I find interesting
• I enjoy talking and/or thinking about and/or to
• Will influence my novel (destined to become the definitive piece of American Lit, discussed in classrooms far and wide after it's initial utter, dismal rejection) will be the driving force behind it, but, baring a certain few exceptions, won't actually be involved.

Today's Vocab Lesson, Pt. II

Noticing the rousing response o the other day’s lesson in the peculiarities of English vocabulary, I have decided to make it a regular feature, regular, by definition, meaning “whenever Jayson finds or remembers a phrase or word that appeals to his aesthetic ideals OR current station in life.”
And so, you ask, what the hell is today’s word? Got another shocking demonstration of the depth of your English savantry?
Wait, you’re telling me savantry isn’t, in fact, a word? Dammit, there goes…
No, I have prevailed!
Today’s word, is, of course, happened. As in, “that coal mine was the best thing that ever happened to the dirty, meth-infected town,” or “Big Anthony was the best thing that ever happened to dear old Strega Nona.”
Absurdist that I am, I’m amused by the idea of a person happening to another, in much the same way that growth happens to hair or syphilis happened to the founding fathers.
Happening also seems, by definition, (and I looked this one up in a reliable dictionary,) to (typically) require a certain element of chance. I find this going, accidentally, in much the same direction as my previous entry…
Irregardless!
Big Anthony, in example, did not just swing by Strega Nona’s secluded hilltop cabin one balmy Italian afternoon and receive just any old servant job, Big Anthony was the result of a painstaking set of interviews, violent interrogations, and gentle, peasant-esque research.
And women like Strega Nona don’t just happen to a bumbling idiot like Big Anthony! I mean really, someone like her needing someone like him? She must have really, really been needing companionship desperately at the point when his application process began!
Psshhh…Like Big Anthony ever had a damn thing on Strega Nona…She was all, “oh, I’m a witch, I can do everything you do for me, I can fix everything you screw up accidentally all by my damn self, and yet, you’re still here, you dirty bastard. You know why? Because I’m a lonely girl with no siblings and nothing but this damn windswept cabin on the top of this damn hill. Yeah. That’s it.”
Thus, or lesson for today happens to come to an end.
Happened.

Jayson's Vocab Lesson OR Lets be vague, shall we?

Today's vocab word is smitten. Now, I realize that most of you already know the word smitten, and, if you didn't, well...You will soon enough. I personally learned this word in 7th grade, became fond of it, and discussed it in humanities earlier today, when I noted to myself the peculiarity of the timing. The word is typically used in response to emotions: smitten with greif, anxiety, dread, love. (new paragraph) Let's examine the etymology and connotations, shall we? (new paragraph) The present tense of the term is smite. As in, to hit with a blunt object or (if one is God) to send wrath upon a particular person or people who are doing things horribly, horribly wrong. the past tense is smote. I rather enjoy the word smote, irrelevant though it is. I enjoy the idea of being smote by something like love, as if it were a piano made by acme corp that had fallen off the roof of a brownstone several stories high and smashed me to smithereens. (New paragraph) But I find this metaphor inaccurate, love really doesnt just fall from no where to smash someone to smithereens, rather...Well, I am reminded of a story i heard about the last of the Salem witch persecution death things. The last woman had a largish board placed on top of her person, and big heavy pianos filled with the tea that the colonists had stolen from the boston tea part were placed upon her slowly, crushing her as time wore on. I consider her smote. (new paragraph) Thus ends today's study of the word smite.

Driving Journal, Day 5...

Began scraping ice off windshield, windows, etc, at 7:14, in hopes it wouldn't take long or require gloves. By 7:20, realized ineptitude and that this was the time I was set to arrive to pick up one, M.A. Ended up arriving late, blamed clock.

Took longest route to High School possible, sort of. Arrived at exactly 7:54. Profane, nervous, reckless. More so than I had been, at least.

After school: Found one, MA, ran quickly to vehicle. Personally almost hit at least twice by oncoming traffic. Back out, almost ran into one, S.B., felt bad. Made references to the saviour of the Christian faith, realized changes that occured since last year at this time. Amused.

Beat buses out of school parking lot, made empty threats. Reigned victorious. Felt good, meditated on Humanities discussion, re: meaning of happiness, reconcilliation with cynicism. Realized what must immediately be addressed, figured I would soon regret it if I did not.

I did not.

Arrived at home of one, MA, bade adieu.

Regretted. Considered writing a poem entitled "To Her Coy Master, i.e., one JM," a reference to the work of Marvell with a similar name. Decided to make aforementioned journal for obscure, comedic purposes instead, made vague mental plans for the following day.

Arrived home, viewed bus leaving development. A moments thought revealed that one should reign victorious without regards.

Reigned victorious without regards.

End, Driving Journal, Day 5.

ob la di, ob la da...

Though I promised myself that I would never post anything but material of the absolute highest literary integreity on this site, I must break, if only momentarily, this trend for the following announcement.

I have already been warned for not having a parking permit, thanks, most likely, to the smart ass note I placed in my rear window.

What was given to me in return?

The warning notice, with an extra smart ass comment written upon it.

The end.